No fireflies in cemeteries is a travesty (Journal Entry)

Ever since I was a child I have been buggin on cemeteries. At first, it was a playful thing. My father would take me to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings during my summer visits in the Bronx, and for some strange reason, there was always a cemetery nearby. The adults would attend the meetings, and the children […]

Psychiatry is shaking us like snow globes (Journal Entry)

What happens when you shake a snow globe? A whirlwind disseminates around whatever masterpiece lies beneath. And as that masterpiece awaits patiently to be revealed, the shaker continues to shake and shake and shake, as though chaos is more amusing than art.

Introducing myself in the mental health field (Journal Entry)

I recently joined a revolutionary movement in the mental healthcare field. I was accepted into a training program to become a Recovery Support Specialist. I have only completed two classes yet I have learned more about recovery in sixteen hours than I ever learned throughout years of treatment. I have so much to say about this program but first, allow me to introduce myself.

Seeing in Fours (Poem)

My advice for active alcoholics is…

If you’re seeing in ones
You’re good
If you’re seeing in twos
You’re a little bit tipsy
If you’re seeing in threes
You might do something you will regret
If you’re seeing in fours
GOD BLESS

Problems in My Head (Poem)

I got problems in my head
Sometimes I say the things I wish I didn’t said

Sometimes I do the things that really make so sense
Sometimes I lay around all day and fart in the bed

I got lizardz in my mind
I can feel them taking over from time to time

Sometimes it feels like my body isn’t mine
At times I feel I got no choice but to die

I got venom in my veins
Bloodfire that shoots before it aims

Rolling Stone (Poem)

I spent so much time
Trying not to think
I forgot how to think

Doing stupid shit
Saying stupid things
Stuck in my roll

If I’m a rolling stone
I’m a hafta stop
At some point in time

Nothing is forever
When you ain’t so clever
Burning it down

Step One: Unmanageability (Twelve Steps)

‘And my life has become unmanageable…’ This is clearly an understatement for the life that I have led since birth. I’ve been a loner, a pessimist, an antagonist, a miserable wretch. I’ve been a liar, a cheater, a wallower in my own self-made dispair. I’ve been a walking, talking, babbling brook of disaster.

Step One: Powerlessness (Twelve Steps)

Addiction is the cold war pulling at our heartstrings; each an isolation of its own and all unwilling to reach out in communion with the rest. It’s a cold war that leaves us seething with resentment and anger over the people, places, and things we have no control over.

Enslaved by social norms, jonesing for distraction, obsessed with feel-good moments, fixated on the notion that the whole world revolves around whatever prison we have created for ourselves.

Step One: Despair and Isolation

Despair and isolation is the sum of most of my life. I can’t remember a time when I felt connected to this nonsensical world around me. The ‘people’ in it continuously leave me in a staggering daze, endlessly pondering how humanity has come this far with such astounding stupidity weighing on the scale of triumph.

Growing up, I was an extremely angry loner. I was mean to all my short-lived friends and I was royally pissed at the world. I saw absolutely no hope in the future, and I didn’t give a flying rat’s ass what anybody thought of me.

Lost in Space (Poem)

How can someone who burns so hot be so cold?
How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

It’s like I’m lost in space and I can’t go home

The further I drift
The hotter I burn
The colder it gets
The more I yearn

For something less painful than the stake in my back
I can’t relax
I can’t look at myself
This can’t go on
I’m still trying to make sense of it

I can’t make amends to it