Viva la Rebellion
Ever since I was a child I have been buggin on cemeteries. At first, it was a playful thing. My father would take me to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings during my summer visits in the Bronx, and for some strange reason, there was always a cemetery nearby. The adults would attend the meetings, and the children […]
What happens when you shake a snow globe? A whirlwind disseminates around whatever masterpiece lies beneath. And as that masterpiece awaits patiently to be revealed, the shaker continues to shake and shake and shake, as though chaos is more amusing than art.
I recently joined a revolutionary movement in the mental healthcare field. I was accepted into a training program to become a Recovery Support Specialist. I have only completed two classes yet I have learned more about recovery in sixteen hours than I ever learned throughout years of treatment. I have so much to say about this program but first, allow me to introduce myself.
My advice for active alcoholics is…
If you’re seeing in ones
You’re good
If you’re seeing in twos
You’re a little bit tipsy
If you’re seeing in threes
You might do something you will regret
If you’re seeing in fours
GOD BLESS
I spent so much time
Trying not to think
I forgot how to think
Doing stupid shit
Saying stupid things
Stuck in my roll
If I’m a rolling stone
I’m a hafta stop
At some point in time
Nothing is forever
When you ain’t so clever
Burning it down
I died last night
My heart stopped beating as I sank into the void
No light
No darkness
No angels or demons
Just an all-consuming silence that tethered my soul to nothingness
As my soul drifted waywardly
Searching for a new life
I glanced back at my hollow shell
My whole life flashed before my eyes
And for just one perfect moment
I saw the beauty in all my pain
The ups and downs
‘And my life has become unmanageable…’ This is clearly an understatement for the life that I have led since birth. I’ve been a loner, a pessimist, an antagonist, a miserable wretch. I’ve been a liar, a cheater, a wallower in my own self-made dispair. I’ve been a walking, talking, babbling brook of disaster.
Addiction is the cold war pulling at our heartstrings; each an isolation of its own and all unwilling to reach out in communion with the rest. It’s a cold war that leaves us seething with resentment and anger over the people, places, and things we have no control over.
Enslaved by social norms, jonesing for distraction, obsessed with feel-good moments, fixated on the notion that the whole world revolves around whatever prison we have created for ourselves.
Despair and isolation is the sum of most of my life. I can’t remember a time when I felt connected to this nonsensical world around me. The ‘people’ in it continuously leave me in a staggering daze, endlessly pondering how humanity has come this far with such astounding stupidity weighing on the scale of triumph.
Growing up, I was an extremely angry loner. I was mean to all my short-lived friends and I was royally pissed at the world. I saw absolutely no hope in the future, and I didn’t give a flying rat’s ass what anybody thought of me.
How can someone who burns so hot be so cold?
How can something that feels so right be so wrong?
It’s like I’m lost in space and I can’t go home
The further I drift
The hotter I burn
The colder it gets
The more I yearn
For something less painful than the stake in my back
I can’t relax
I can’t look at myself
This can’t go on
I’m still trying to make sense of it
I can’t make amends to it
Living gets harder
Day by day
Time don’t stop
Tears don’t fade
The world gets dumber
The tides don’t change
The only thing that gets better is the smartphone craze
Is there anybody out there?
Is anything real?
All the world is a hoax
You can’t cry when you can’t feel
There’s no sight when you look away
You can’t fight what you won’t stop
