The Wild Side (Poem)

I took a trip on the wild side
Didn’t come back til I lost my mind
Didn’t face facts when I knew it was time
Played my whole hand on booze and wine
I took a stake in the back
Now I can’t relax
I got this thorn in my side
And I can’t unwind

Broken Pieces (Journal Entry)

I can’t tell if it’s me that is broken or if it’s the world that is broken or if my head is stuck in a box. Or maybe the box is all in my head and I can’t escape because the box makes more sense than the world.

Or maybe we’re all just a bunch of broken pieces scattered in a melee of confusion, trying to connect, yearning to transform into an enchanted castle on a hill, fortified with wisdom and built with enduring love.

I’m a Butterfly (Lyrics)

I’m a caterpillar
I won’t stop until I’m full
I’m a butterfly
My chrysalis will set me free
Won’t you take a step back
And watch as I transpire
Into what I am

My Little Friend (Poem)

Say hello to my little friend
The psalm of my hand in my brain
Never end

The Truth is a work living on
Never sin

Can take what you want
But you can’t ever win

Can’t shake my hand
Can’t take my friend

You can war the whole world
But the world won’t give in

Pull Your Cards (Poem)

Who am I?
But just a simple girl
A simple girl in such an obscene world

Obscene is this world to such a complex girl
I’m so complex in such a simple world

I take one look at such an obscene world
Just one look
Enough to make me hurl

Then I look into my soul
And I see my life’s goal
A goal so complex it’s like a bottomless hole

A hole full of hatred and corruption and sin
A hole so full I don’t know where to begin

But I got a full deck of cards
So let the game begin

No Tellin (Lyrics)

There’s no tellin
Why I can’t look you in your eyes

You tell me something
But I can’t see the truth in your lies

I’ll get through, But
Right now your ignorance is your fall

You take all, But
Your all is never what you give all

So tell me something
Why you can’t do what you say what you gonna do?

Go do you then
I’ll hit back
Get that
Bitch I’m a do you in

Step One: Unmanageability (Twelve Steps)

‘And my life has become unmanageable…’ This is clearly an understatement for the life that I have led since birth. I’ve been a loner, a pessimist, an antagonist, a miserable wretch. I’ve been a liar, a cheater, a wallower in my own self-made dispair. I’ve been a walking, talking, babbling brook of disaster.

Step One: Powerlessness (Twelve Steps)

Addiction is the cold war pulling at our heartstrings; each an isolation of its own and all unwilling to reach out in communion with the rest. It’s a cold war that leaves us seething with resentment and anger over the people, places, and things we have no control over.

Enslaved by social norms, jonesing for distraction, obsessed with feel-good moments, fixated on the notion that the whole world revolves around whatever prison we have created for ourselves.

Step One: Despair and Isolation

Despair and isolation is the sum of most of my life. I can’t remember a time when I felt connected to this nonsensical world around me. The ‘people’ in it continuously leave me in a staggering daze, endlessly pondering how humanity has come this far with such astounding stupidity weighing on the scale of triumph.

Growing up, I was an extremely angry loner. I was mean to all my short-lived friends and I was royally pissed at the world. I saw absolutely no hope in the future, and I didn’t give a flying rat’s ass what anybody thought of me.

Lost in Space (Poem)

How can someone who burns so hot be so cold?
How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

It’s like I’m lost in space and I can’t go home

The further I drift
The hotter I burn
The colder it gets
The more I yearn

For something less painful than the stake in my back
I can’t relax
I can’t look at myself
This can’t go on
I’m still trying to make sense of it

I can’t make amends to it