Viva la Rebellion
You think you know better than I But I know something you won’t even try It starts with a What? And begins with a Why? Mix in some When’s? And don’t forget the How’s? Then a comforting hug And some pats on the back Reassuring words that life is more than wack All your shoulda, woulda, couldas must not know about me You think you know better than I But only I know what’s better for me
I hate being me
A constant nagging in my gut
As sure as life will carry on
You can rest assured this world will not
I can’t explain it
Can’t escape it
Can’t hide behind my face
So deep inside my thoughts
I can’t explain the miles I race
Stuck in a daze
In a maze of deja vu
Trying to figure out the world
To understand how mountains move
I hate EVERYBODY
Just don’t give a fuck
Don’t understand why they don’t like me Only friend is turning up
They say I’m not special
There’s someone out there just like me
When you find em
Let me know
So we can both hate being me
‘Fuck it’ is such a dangerous thing to say It’s like saying ‘I got this’ when I’ve lost my sanity Change happens against my will No matter how much I want my way When I try to go back it pushes me forward as I fall flat on my face But running from the past is like trying to see the future I always wake up in the same place Stuck in my head with a bottle in my hand My thinking messed me up again Cuz I said ‘Fuck it’ When I should have said grace And I lost my will to move on Stuck in quick sand kicking When I should have stayed still And reached for the nearest arm And I said ‘I got this’ when I should’ve bout faced And listened rather than talking that chase Stuck in my head got me going insane My thinking messed me up again
You were my friend from the deep end Shelter from my own bull The lighter side of darkness that I couldn’t see was not light enough You took me further than I wanted to go when I said I wanted to stop And when we got there you kept me longer than I could stay And played me nonstop And when I wanted to go You tried to stop me from leaving Fed every lie that you cooked You told me I was all wrong I had nothing to give No point to writing my book You were so indestructible I lost my voice I had no strength to tell you FUCK OFF I lost so much of me How could I try to help me? The only thing that could save me was God
As I start the next chapter in my autobiography I praise the Good Lord for waking me up another day Free from the horrors of active addiction I have found a way to live and enjoy life… just for the day I thank God oh Lord for stickin and stayin Even in my darkest hour The hideous four horsemen were denied the boast of my obliteration Terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair The whistling winds of loneliness The burdens I couldn’t bear All have been arrested along with worry and fear I’m talking about a God who taught me how to sit up straight Get down on my knees and pray Quit whining and communicate
I’m throwing a pity party And no one’s invited There will be no balloons And no excitement I don’t want to hear all the silly things you think I want to hear And don’t dare say, “It’s gonna be alright And you’re gonna be okay” I just wanna be left alone with my dark forboding thoughts Grandiose my obstacles Catastrophize my faults The whole world is full of morons And I’m done hearing all that noise I’m sick of waiting around for better days Or for truth to have a voice
The continuum of altered perception begins before we are born and ends only when we identify and interpret its existence The culture of shame in all its nuances is rival to all good senses So vested in in the continuum of inclusion and exclusion that few can escape the scope of its lenses So stuck in the clash of who’s better than who And the war of status And the fight for what’s true That we fail to address the problem at hand The elephant in the room standing up on its head Who can say they are better? As they compete in the battle of shame? Outcasting all who don’t fit in the crowd
Wouldn’t it be hilarious to watch a bunch of narcissists get together to try to hash out their insanity? How would that even work? It would be a nonstop competition to see who could out conceive the rest into believe one person did each step better than the next. Matter fact…
Someone snatched my body and took it for a ride I was there But not really Your judgments don’t apply It’s really hard to look back at the person I never was It’s even harder to remember that place I went to take time off
Many of an addict has a story of the call to the streets The call of freedom to do as thou will and live life without restraint Or so it is thought Surrounded by world class liars who can’t afford honesty If you can’t lie your ass off to get what you want You got no game Trying on self-hating masks to people please your way up Can’t nobody tell you nothing You get what you want And want what ain’t cut
I’m learning to do meditation with my Balance app on a phone group. Now I really wanna go back ta bed.
TheSeedSowerz 