Step One: Despair and Isolation

Despair and isolation is the sum of most of my life. I can’t remember a time when I felt connected to this nonsensical world around me. The ‘people’ in it continuously leave me in a staggering daze, endlessly pondering how humanity has come this far with such astounding stupidity weighing on the scale of triumph.

Growing up, I was an extremely angry loner. I was mean to all my short-lived friends and I was royally pissed at the world. I saw absolutely no hope in the future, and I didn’t give a flying rat’s ass what anybody thought of me.

Step Nine: Apologies to my fellow Twitterers (Twleve Steps)

Oh me oh my… Sigh… This may be a little early in my recovery, but I decided to do my first 9th step in response to my distasteful behavior on Twitter. I was recently put on a timeout by the Twitter police for calling someone a moron, thus prompting me to spend twelve whole hours thinking about my savagery and how it affects others. 

Lost in Space (Poem)

How can someone who burns so hot be so cold?
How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

It’s like I’m lost in space and I can’t go home

The further I drift
The hotter I burn
The colder it gets
The more I yearn

For something less painful than the stake in my back
I can’t relax
I can’t look at myself
This can’t go on
I’m still trying to make sense of it

I can’t make amends to it

The Lions and the Lambs (Journal Entry)

There’s a knot in my gut the size of my fist. I try to ignore it but it cries out like a mother bird in distress. Much like the premonitions that warned me against the crooked path I doomed myself to take. Seems the hell I’ve known is mercy compared to the hell that is to come.

The whole world is a human centipede. Battered sheep yearning for deliverance from their cold-hearted shepherd. I often wonder what mindblowing epiphany will compel the sheep to shed their wool and become lions treading through the fields of rebellion. It’s not enough for the sheep to know their shepherd is up to no good. They need to want to flee from his care. Herein lie the wall that won’t crack…

The movie “Spotlight” captures the essence of investigative journalism

Spotlight is based on The Boston Globe’s Pulitzer Prize winning coverage of a major sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic Archdiocese in Boston. The investigation revealed that high-ranking members of the Church covered-up sexual abuse of children by settling claims out of court and allowing guilty priests to keep their jobs. The initial report covered the actions of a priest named Paul Geoghan who was implicated in numerous abuse cases, and a prominent member of the Catholic Church in Boston, Cardinal Bernard Law, who knew about the abuse for years. Spotlight, The Globe’s investigation team, published its first story on January 6, 2002 along with the phone number of a hotline allowing more victims to come forth with allegations. Numerous investigations followed, uncovering hundreds of cases with thousands of victims in archdiocese across the US.

The movie “Spotlight” captures the essence of investigative journalism

Spotlight is based on The Boston Globe’s Pulitzer Prize winning coverage of a major sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic Archdiocese in Boston. The investigation revealed that high-ranking members of the Church covered-up sexual abuse of children by settling claims out of court and allowing guilty priests to keep their jobs. The initial report covered the actions of a priest named Paul Geoghan who was implicated in numerous abuse cases, and a prominent member of the Catholic Church in Boston, Cardinal Bernard Law, who knew about the abuse for years. Spotlight, The Globe’s investigation team, published its first story on January 6, 2002 along with the phone number of a hotline allowing more victims to come forth with allegations. Numerous investigations followed, uncovering hundreds of cases with thousands of victims in archdiocese across the US.

Yell it out a Window (Lyrics)

Lies are what make us settle Truth gonna tear us apart Yell it out a window Ooh ahah oOoh ahahah Tired of the fight or fly off Burnt out on what you say Back up against the Ooh ahah oOoh ahahah You hardly ever win a battle You say I’ll never win the war I’m […]

It was All a Dream…

Wreckage befell her disbelieving eyes. Windows smashed, furniture torn to shreds, valuables ransacked and left on the floor. Her family photos had been all but completely ravaged, peering out of the rubble as if to play a painful game of hide and seek. She was floored by the sight of her annihilation, dazed at the thought that she would never put back together the puzzle pieces of the life that she had fortified with love and tears.

Today’s Headlines

Step One: Dicking around with my thumb up my butt (Twelve Steps)

The thumb is a symbol of great power. It represents a vital step in the evolution of man. The anus symbolizes repression, feelings of shame and self-esteem issues. And dicks? Well, I’ll let the reader decide the meaning of that vernacular.

Anyhoo, I’ve been doing a lot of dicking around with my thumb up my but lately. Indulging in pity parties, self-loathing, whining, complaining about everyone and everything, harping on what this one or that one did to me. Basically throwing my hard earned tools of recovery into the fire. 

Step One: Liquid Courage (Twelve Steps)

“The courage to change the things we can,” is one of the many messages we hear at every Twelve Step meeting. And with every meeting, the message grows, transforms, evolves into a battle cry that echoes through the darkest nights. But when we stop going to meetings, we lose our momentum, we forget the tools that kept us sober, and the war drum slowly fades into the distance until all we hear are the devil’s lies.