Pondering the Matrix (Journal Entry)

I was born to be invisible. Like the stump of a sofa that gets tripped into and cursed then forgotten once again. I always wondered what it would be like to have loving, doting parents. Would I have grown to be such a loser?

Sometimes I wish I was anybody but me. Then I look at everybody else and wish I were just plain dead. Because if I were the happy type, I’d be oblivious to the world that enslaves me in a bubble where my greatest defense against reality is to push the ‘block’ button. And if I were born with a silver spoon I’d be as rotten as a carcass.

I Don’t Want to Live (Poem)

I don’t want to live no more
I don’t want to breathe
I don’t want to want
I don’t want to grieve

I just want to lay here helplessy
As I drift away into endless sleep

I want to bust my fist right through a wall
As I kick and scream and curse my fall

I want to bury my head in the sands of time
Jump off a cliff to see if I can fly

But I know I won’t do it
Cuz I know it ain’t right

So I’ll keep on truckin
Til I burn out my light

And I’ll keep on grieving
Cuz at the end of the day

My life is worth living
Just to get in your way

Mother Dearest (Journal Entry)

I hate my reflection. A daily reminder of the fool I came to be. Every imperfection, every self-inflicted scar. Every time I look into those sullen eyes it’s like the record hits play on every memory I wish I could forget.

When I was younger I had so many dreams, so much hope for a beautiful life. The one thing I lacked is what drove me into hell.