3 AM (Poem)

It’s always 3 AM in the mind of an addict Time to forget what you need So you can regret what you want Time to break from your life You got a load you can’t bear They keep telling you ‘be grateful’ But they ain’t pouring your fill The only one you ever listen to is that voice in your head Feeding you lies Peddling fear Taking you on rides to nowhere You don’t know how to live You’re a walking defect Don’t even know where to begin making amends for your debt You got a skid row soul You got blight in your head You just forgot what you need And it’s 3 AM

Thinking Messed Me uP Again (Poem)

‘Fuck it’ is such a dangerous thing to say It’s like saying ‘I got this’ when I’ve lost my sanity Change happens against my will No matter how much I want my way When I try to go back it pushes me forward as I fall flat on my face But running from the past is like trying to see the future I always wake up in the same place Stuck in my head with a bottle in my hand My thinking messed me up again Cuz I said ‘Fuck it’ When I should have said grace And I lost my will to move on Stuck in quick sand kicking When I should have stayed still And reached for the nearest arm And I said ‘I got this’ when I should’ve bout faced And listened rather than talking that chase Stuck in my head got me going insane My thinking messed me up again

Instant Bum (Poem)

If you want to be an instant bum Survive by being a hoe Sell your jewels, your car and then your home Your baby’s diapers and your daughter’s clothes If you want to compromise your sexuality for just one more Waste your life away in hallways and bathroom stalls People please until you forget who you are Leave your Mama wondering when she’s gonna get that call If you want to block the blessings that present you everyday Diss the Angels who pray for your recovery Live your life like the Earth ain’t crying out in pain A waste of space in a world gone insane Go ahead Let your disease talk you into one more run But if you don’t pick up You cant get high And you won’t be an instant bum

The Resistance (Poem)

Rooms, rooms, rooms What’s all the talk of all these rooms What typa room is gonna get me something better than what I’ve come to know? I got no time for all that chitter chatter that wee wee wa wa woo That same ole story That broken hearted That ‘hi my name is boo hoo hoo…’ What typa cult gets so obsessed about a meeting full of fools Spouting out the same ole message like they can’t think of something new

You Showed Me The Way (Poem)

I stepped out of a dark place that I stepped in before I ever knew… Anything I stepped out of the dark place still not knowing… Anything I thought I knew And I make sure you knew I knew But even though you knew I didn’t know You still told me go keep coming, keep sharing, keep growing You loved me until I learned to love myself Unconditional love

No Booze Day (Poem)

It’s a drab day It’s a dwelling on every drab day I ever had day It’s a lay around on my monkeyass and pick at all my scabs day It’s a blah day It’s a don’t ask me how I’m feeling cuz I’m a get really fucken mad day It’s a sad day It’s a sit around Face all a mess Quick to profess That I’m worth less than the corn in my shit that I cant’ digest It’s a cold day It’s a holed up in my room catching a snooze day It’s a no matter what I ain’t drinking that booze da

The Chosen Few (Poem)

I was well intentioned Wanted to do the right thing But the thing is… I wanted to do things my way And when my way didn’t work I wanted to forget the day But days turn to years when forgettin is what you live for And before I knew it I lost track of who I was Anger became my fortress

No Matter What ( Poem)

There was nothing I wasn’t addicted to Everthing I ever enjoyed turned into to ‘do more get more’ Obsessing over everything Anything that happened had something to do with me Or so I thought Compulsively doing things that made no sense That I didn’t even want to do That I scorned myself for doing as I continued doing it Nothing was ever my fault I was a victim of circumstances that led me to defeat And when I hit rock bottom I stayed there and wallowed in it At some point in my neverending pity run My knowledge and wisdom ear began to bud

Meeting Hunting

Does anybody know where to good virtual NA / AA meetings are? I’m trying to do the 90/90 but I keep finding the biggest snoozefests ever. The last one I went to was just one huge ass kissing parade where everybody went on and on about how great the host was. The host let one dude talk for like five minutes about his job problems, which had nothing to do with recovery. I wanted to interrupt that shit show to ask if it was a NA meeting or an ego-boosting platform for people with low self-esteem. 

Called My Sponsor

I called my sponsor yo. That’s a huge step for me. I never talk on the phone, especially not somebody I just met. I told her I been pity potting. She gave me a good pep talk about gratitude, hope, unconditional live, fellowship, patience, etc. I’m excited about having a sponsor and working the steps. And I love my home group.