Maniac (Poem)

How can someone who burns so hot be so cold?
How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

It’s like I’m lost in space
And I can’t go home

The further I drift
The hotter I burn

The colder it gets
The more I yearn

For something less painful than the stake in my back

I can’t relax
I can’t look at myself

Step One: Dicking around with my thumb up my butt (Twelve Steps)

The thumb is a symbol of great power. It represents a vital step in the evolution of man. The anus symbolizes repression, feelings of shame and self-esteem issues. And dicks? Well, I’ll let the reader decide the meaning of that vernacular.

Anyhoo, I’ve been doing a lot of dicking around with my thumb up my but lately. Indulging in pity parties, self-loathing, whining, complaining about everyone and everything, harping on what this one or that one did to me. Basically throwing my hard earned tools of recovery into the fire. 

I Don’t Want to Live (Poem)

I don’t want to live no more
I don’t want to breathe
I don’t want to want
I don’t want to grieve

I just want to lay here helplessy
As I drift away into endless sleep

I want to bust my fist right through a wall
As I kick and scream and curse my fall

I want to bury my head in the sands of time
Jump off a cliff to see if I can fly

But I know I won’t do it
Cuz I know it ain’t right

So I’ll keep on truckin
Til I burn out my light

And I’ll keep on grieving
Cuz at the end of the day

My life is worth living
Just to get in your way