Murder One (Poem)

Dedicated to my sister in recovery, Jay…

About face my representative
Don’t try my murder one

Old habits do die hard my friend
Don’t start what you can’t end

Unhinge the savage beast inside
And I’ll black you to the floor

That venom got a hold on me
And it’s hard to let it go

I’m a product of the hand I was dealt
I’m a jailbird doing time

Except my prison don’t have bars or cells
More like deals and dollar signs

But tucked inside my murder one
Behind my Covid mask
Underneath the light I refuse to turn on because I hate to look at myself

There’s a searching, fearless woman
So broken yet so becoming

So tainted by the darker side
Yet so clear in where I stand

You say that you’re my hater
I say that you’re my fan

Cuz if you weren’t you wouldn’t taunt the beast to come out and show its hand

I don’t want to get hot like that
I just want to be left alone

If I can’t be an asset to your recovery
I don’t want to be in your world

I just want to make you laugh
Fuck all that crying shit

I’m addicted to you being addicted to me
So let’s just stick to that

Let’s just find some peace of mind
Some common ground to stand

Let’s chuck it up til the break of dawn
No drugs, no beer, no packs

I’ll hit you off with some knowledge
Then pick you up some slack

If you want an inspiration bomb
I’ll drop it matter fact

I’ll listen when you need an ear
I’ll check you when you’re wrong

I’ll give you what you want from me
Cuz that’s my murder one