Addiction is the cold war pulling at our heartstrings; each an isolation of its own and all unwilling to reach out in communion with the rest. It’s a cold war that leaves us seething with resentment and anger over the people, places, and things we have no control over.
Enslaved by social norms, jonesing for distraction, obsessed with feel-good moments, fixated on the notion that the whole world revolves around whatever prison we have created for ourselves.
The laws of addiction are impervious to pragmatic thought or action. We stick with what we ‘know’ and never venture beyond the walls that are fortified by our delusions. Any inkling of creative-thought that enters the deserts of our minds is cast off into the abode of denial.
And as we sit in our own stink, rationalizing the means that lead to the same end over and over, always expecting a different result, the voice of the spirit that keeps us sane drifts slowing into the void, leaving us bitter and stoic.
Admitting powerlessness is every addict’s nightmare. Every move we make, every thought that is granted permission to enter our minds is rooted in the urgency to control some part of our lives or the lives of others. We indulge in fantasy to control our reality, obsess over social norms to control what people think of us, numb our minds to control the emotions we don’t want to feel.
When we think of the word ‘powerless’ a flood of negative thoughts enter our minds; helplessness, vulnerability, defenselessness, incompetence. But admitting powerlessness is the wrecking ball that shatters the delusions that hold us hostage and opens the floodgates of spiritual awakening.
Admitting powerlessness means admitting we have no control over the people, places, things, and situations that bother us. Through this admission, we open our minds to a whole new way of thinking; a new way of life. When we strip the delusion of power from our minds, we are left to rely solely on faith; the kind of faith that keeps us centered even in the most turbulent of hours; a faith in a higher power.
This higher power is not some enchanted being in the sky who magically solves all our problems, it is a spirit of truth that dwells within all the living. Tapping into this higher power requires for one to reach out in communion with those who are also trying to tap into the higher power; listening, learning, communicating, sharing our struggles, honing our strength, and spreading hope to those who do not know the power greater than ourselves.
So as I step through the floodgates of a new awakening, I will enter powerlessly and full of faith. For I know now that I am just one piece of a far greater power than I could ever hope to be. And through this power I will find refuge from all the ills of the world.
The End
Yes it can be difficult to admit powerless over drugs and alcohol. But I would submit that I am not powerless over people places and things. In fact at times I’m quite powerful over them. And me a certain power over them does not equate to me using or drinking.
Where I’m from, the fellowship that I went to for drugs and alcohol, they said that I use and I drink because I like the feeling that it gives me. And that this and Seshan is so elusive that after time I can’t tell the truth from the falls, because my attic life seems the only normal one. I look at other people who are controlling the drugs and alcohol and keeping her life together and I say to myself, I am like them I just need to try little bit harder.
And yet they don’t seem like they’re bothered whether or not they use or drink. But me, I’m restless and I’m irritable and I’m pretty discontent and less I’m stoned all the time or got a beer in my hand amongst other things. That is until I get loaded again. And then I go through the well-known stages of a spree, of a run. Sometimes it would just be a few weeks but for me it would often be months and years. At the end of that run I would emerge remorseful and vow that I would never do it again.
And I would repeat this process over and over as the years went by.
These people told me that I was powerless over drugs and alcohol. But that was a symptom of my problem. My main problem is that I’m self-centered. The world revolves around me.
I needed to have a revolution in thinking.
End it didn’t involve letting other people be assholes to me. Or somehow not driving my car in the proper lane as I go down the street. I’m totally allowed to assert power over the coffee beans and grind them and pour hot water over them.
What I was powerless over was the first drink or drug. I have no choice. I had lost the power of choice and drink and drugs . what I needed was a power that would fill in for me at those times of powerlessness over the drinking drugs.
And these people told me they knew how I could find such an effective power.
And then they told me once that I noticed that this power actually worked my life, they told me that this power work for other things in my life to.
But I didn’t come into meetings Merli because my life is shit. Millions of people all over the globe has a life that is shit and they are not Addicts.
I came in because I could not stop using and drinking, but that when I would stop I would pick it up again sooner or later. And then my life would go to shit.
For me, my life wasn’t shitty and so I drank and used over it. I drink and used anyways.
I had to admit that I was powerless over drugs and alcohol and that I had no choice whether or not I would use or drink.
At least that’s what happened to me and I have been tripped out on using or drinking in over 10 years.
Good luck to you.
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Have not tripped out…. lol.
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