Step One: Powerlessness (Twelve Steps)

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Addiction is the cold war pulling at our heartstrings; each an isolation of its own and all unwilling to reach out in communion with the rest. It’s a cold war that leaves us seething with resentment and anger over the people, places, and things we have no control over.

Enslaved by social norms, jonesing for distraction, obsessed with feel-good moments, fixated on the notion that the whole world revolves around whatever prison we have created for ourselves.

The laws of addiction are impervious to pragmatic thought or action. We stick with what we ‘know’ and never venture beyond the walls that are fortified by our delusions. Any inkling of creative-thought that enters the deserts of our minds is cast off into the abode of denial.

And as we sit in our own stink, rationalizing the means that lead to the same end over and over, always expecting a different result, the voice of the spirit that keeps us sane drifts slowing into the void, leaving us bitter and stoic.

Admitting powerlessness is every addict’s nightmare. Every move we make, every thought that is granted permission to enter our minds is rooted in the urgency to control some part of our lives or the lives of others. We indulge in fantasy to control our reality, obsess over social norms to control what people think of us, numb our minds to control the emotions we don’t want to feel.

When we think of the word ‘powerless’ a flood of negative thoughts enter our minds; helplessness, vulnerability, defenselessness, incompetence. But admitting powerlessness is the wrecking ball that shatters the delusions that hold us hostage and opens the floodgates of spiritual awakening.

Admitting powerlessness means admitting we have no control over the people, places, things, and situations that bother us. Through this admission, we open our minds to a whole new way of thinking; a new way of life. When we strip the delusion of power from our minds, we are left to rely solely on faith; the kind of faith that keeps us centered even in the most turbulent of hours; a faith in a higher power.

This higher power is not some enchanted being in the sky who magically solves all our problems, it is a spirit of truth that dwells within all the living. Tapping into this higher power requires for one to reach out in communion with those who are also trying to tap into the higher power; listening, learning, communicating, sharing our struggles, honing our strength, and spreading hope to those who do not know the power greater than ourselves.

So as I step through the floodgates of a new awakening, I will enter powerlessly and full of faith. For I know now that I am just one piece of a far greater power than I could ever hope to be. And through this power I will find refuge from all the ills of the world.

The End

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