Heartache and Time (Journal Entry)


Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck between a dump truck and a cliff. As the days go by the harder it is to look back. But moving forward feels so empty, a void that can neither be filled nor emptied. The upside down of the right side wrong. The further I walk the more I’ve lost.

And as I lose the self that won’t come back to me. I detach from the life that meant so much to me. I can’t remember the good or the bad. It’s like I jumped out a wormhole and forgot what just happened.

Days seem like hours. Weeks turn into months. I ball up the hurt and deal with it tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes when today is all I have. So today seems like a thousand tomorrows. And tomorrow is more time to pass me by.

It’s a neverending story. An everlasting curse. No beginning and no end. Endless war within my head. I pray for mercy. Beg forgiveness. Get back up then go back to bed. Pace back and forth… Tick goes tock… Can’t sit still… Brace myself…

They say I should try some grounding techniques. Take it one day out of time. Call up a friend and hit up a meeting. Go to a gym and relax my mind.

I’m sure they’re right. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. Or maybe the next day after that. Or maybe my ground is the muck and the muck is my mind and I can’t tell the difference between heartache and time.

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